I am hurt, Lord. I don’t want courage, or a steadfast spirit, or faith, or even hope. I don’t want to fight or stand. I am weak. I want to run and shrink back fast.
I am hurt, Lord. Please—don’t quote that you are with me. I know all that… and it hurts.
For now, all I want, Lord, is for You to hold me. Tight. Tight-fisted. With a grip like eternity itself.
Do it, Lord. I can’t do it. I can’t handle it. I—of all people—me, the one others run to for counsel. Hold me, Lord. I know it will pass, but for now… just hold me.
~Anonymous
I hear pain. I listen to it being poured out in my practice. But beyond the cries, I also hear helplessness… hopelessness.
I’ve heard people say God shouldn’t be questioned in suffering. But I’ve read Lamentations, Habakkuk, the conversations between God and Moses, Abraham, Isaiah. And I know this: God wants to see me.
He desires intimacy—into me, see.
Does he really understand?
But… how can He possibly understand me?
He’s sovereign. Does He really get it? Do I need Mary—Jesus’ mother—to approach Him on my behalf?
Suffering is everywhere. It’s unavoidable. And it overwhelms.
I’ve spoken with those who reject God—and lately, those who believe the Bible was a colonial tool, forced on us by the mzungu. That we can exist by our own will, forge our own paths.
But when I look closer, these are often people who’ve suffered deeply—who’ve watched pain unfold until they doubted the very existence of God.
Timothy Keller wrote:
When I took up life as a minister, I tried to understand why so many resist God. I realized that one of the greatest reasons is affliction.
How could a good, just, loving God allow so much pain?
Doubts in the mind can grow along with pain in the heart.”
~Timothy Keller
That one question—how could God allow this?—pushes more people into therapy than almost anything else.
When Pain Pushes You to God
Unbelievers often turn to atheism or agnosticism. They try to deal with unanswered prayer by running from God.
But… others run to Him.
Timothy Keller also wrote:
“Many people find God through affliction. Adversity awakens them from the haunted sleep of spiritual self-sufficiency. Suffering plants the flag of truth in the fortress of a rebel soul… When pain comes, we see not only that we are not in control—but that we never were.”
Psalm 22: A Prophecy of the Cross
In Psalms 22, 23, and 24—read them as a single thread—he pours out emotion. Psalms 22 details the crucifixion. Yet David never lived through that.
“They divide My garments among them, and for My clothing they cast lots.” (Psalm 22:18)
Unanswered prayer is not new and Jesus went through it. In Gethsemane, He prayed—but not like before. The hour had come. The Son of Man was being handed over. In The Passion of the Christ, you see His agony. But it was already written—in detail—in Psalm 22. We see how he used animals to describe the people around Him:
Have You Ever Felt Like a Worm?
“I am a worm…A worm: blind, silent, bleeding when struck, writhing underfoot. We used to play with worms—cutting off their path for fun, watching them squirm, helpless. That’s how Jesus felt. Scorned. Despised. Powerless.
Have you ever felt like that?
Then come the bulls, the dogs and the lions.
Bulls—ferocious, like in the Luhya bull fights. Dogs—a pack chasing you, wild and terrifying. Here, man becomes a beast.
Have you ever felt devoured by man?
Jesus did. Yet David titles this Psalm “The Doe of the Dawn.”
A doe—a hind—symbolizes gentleness, innocence, quiet strength. That’s Jesus.
He could’ve stopped the hounds… but He didn’t. He felt forsaken. To be forsaken by God—that’s Hell.
God has never forsaken humanity. Not once. Except for His Son. And only Jesus was truly forsaken.
When Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?”—He didn’t doubt God. He still called Him my God. He didn’t lose faith. He lost fellowship.
Oh, dear reader…
Pain pushes us into isolation. We may lose fellowship. But never lose faith. I remember a dear friend. A young man who unalived himself a day before his wedding. I’ve healed, but I still wonder…
What lies did Satan whisper? How was he isolated?
Fellowship gone… and faith seemed lost.?
Are you here, reading this?
Hold on. Even if fellowship feels far, don’t let go of faith.
Pain That Is Mental, Emotional… and Physical
Mental cruelty is the worst torture. Jesus was mocked. Mockery cuts deep when the voices outside match the doubts within.
To my dear client—you who were assaulted—those same villagers echo your own haunting questions: Why was I there? Why did I trust him?
That’s how Satan works. He doesn’t lie outright—he tells half-truths.
Psalm 22:8:
“He trusted in the Lord, let Him rescue Him; Let Him deliver Him, since He delights in Him!”
True… but twisted. Mental cruelty makes you turn inward. You shrink. You feel like a worm. But Jesus remembered. He remembered God’s goodness from the womb, from the breast, from birth.
Even when Mary was pregnant, riding on a donkey—He was protected. Born into danger, hunted and made a refugee.
Psalm 22:9-11:
“You took me out of the womb… You have been my God. Be not far from me, for trouble is near.”
Oh, how I cry… I feel it. And yet—even in pain—Jesus turned to God’s power.
Teach me (Lily), Lord, to trust You to the end.
And it wasn’t just mental torment. There was physical pain. Mel Gibson got it right. Crucifixion is slow agony.
The nails—driven through wrists, not palms. Vital organs spared—so death is drawn out. The body drains. Joints dislocate. The noon day heat dries you.
The tongue clings to your mouth.
Psalm 22:15:
My strength is dried up… You have brought me to the dust of death.”
Jesus disintegrated slowly. He felt every part of it.
And yet—He did not doubt God. We know He lasted 6 hours on the cross. Like Jonah, He saw His life fading away. Truth is that in sadness, you want to be alone.
You burrow like a worm. But in joy, you want to be with others.
David called it The Doe of the Dawn.
A dawn…that occurred in the afternoon. After darkness, the first light came. And Jesus declared: It is finished! The battle was won. He caught the dawn—and shared the news:
Psalm 22:22:
“I will declare Your name to my brethren; In the midst of the assembly I will praise You.”
His first circle? His brothers—the disciples.
(Luke 24:27: He explained the Scriptures to them.)
The second circle? Pentecost—the great congregation. Then… to the world.
His arms were stretched wide—for me. Ah let me weep.
For me. Do I need a mediator eg Mary to understand my pain? No. Only Jesus bore this suffering. He knows. He says: Just come.
In Closing: When You Hurt, Remember…
Remember where you came from.
Repent and turn back to God.
Revere the Lord. Worship Him.
For years, I believed Psalms 22, 23, and 24 were about David’s exile when he was overthrown by his son. Perhaps they were. But God, in David’s pain, breathed a prophetic message. Please read them as one.
No chapters. No verses.Just the sacred story of crucifixion… resurrection… and glory.
